Archive for the ‘#merchandising’ Tag

Merchandising   19 comments

They’re making an action figure of you. Describe the toy and accessories. (Do you have a catch phrase? Favorite items, clothes, hair style?)

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Politically Incorrect

I’d be so pleased if someone wanted to make an action figure of one of my characters, but I hadn’t really thought about one of myself. I’m a novelist. I do engage in activity, but I’m pretty boring.

But here we go ….

I doubt store would be willing to carry an action figure of me because my life is noncompliant with the established hegemony of the day. But here goes.

Small toy (I’m short) with long, dark, curly hair, usually in a braid down my back or tied in a top knot. Blue eyes. Hiking boots, rip-stop nylon pants, leather gloves.


This is where the stores would have objections. At my most active, I’m hiking an Alaska trail into real wilderness where large carnivores think humans look tasty. There are 100,000 black bears in Alaska and about 30,000 grizzly bears. About a dozen people a year are mauled every year here. So, my number one accessories are a 357-cal revolver and a 12-gauge shotgun. They’re absolutely necessary to stay safe in Alaska, but I can just imagine how hard it would be to convince merchandisers that those items need to be part of my action figure.

Merchandiser: Why not bear spray instead?

Me: Because bear spray doesn’t work. I don’t want a pissed-off bear who sneezed between taking chunks out of my body.

Merchandiser: But parents will object.

Me: Maybe this whole action figure idea isn’t going to work out.

What’s My Catch phrase?

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a libertarian who believes in individual liberty and little archaic concepts like privacy and self-determination. My catch phrase shouldn’t surprise anyone who has followed me for a while.

“Nothing to hide, but a lot I don’t want you to see.”

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