Archive for the ‘humor’ Tag

I Am a Victim of Your Hateful Hate Crimes, You Hate-Criminals   Leave a comment

Don’t read this while drinking a beverage. Spew alert!

By Kurt Schlichter
The Burning Platform

https://www.lewrockwell.com/2017/04/no_author/victim-hateful-hate-crimes/

Image result for image of libertarian view of hate speechAs a person of absolutely no color who embodies an intersectional reality that includes my utter lack of genderfluidity and my unemployment-questioning, differently-veteraned, and non-pagan experiences, I am totally oppressed by progressivism’s hegemonic power structure. I am also the victim of a systemic system of hostile paradigms that denies my truth regarding my phallo-possessory identity.

My struggle is real, and my male-identifying genitalia will no longer be silent!

I bear a heavy burden in the form of my pasty, easily-sunburned skin. For too long, the fact that a previous Schlichter was booted out of Stuttgart in 1750 has meant that I have been subject to the hateful discourse of unabashed Fritzophobes. And that’s when society hasn’t stolen my Teutonic legacy outright. You are culturally appropriating my cold, emotionless people’s heritage every time you are punctual and efficient.

The same is true regarding my Scot ancestry. You shamelessly pillage the cultural treasures of the folk of the moors whenever you speak unintelligibly, or refuse to spend freely and without restraint. Enough of your condescending Braveheartism.

Current Prices on popular forms of Silver Bullion

My kilt, my choice.

Even in my own home, I am oppressed. I live under a tyrannical framework of Cubano-supremacy. I am constantly reminded of my minority status as the only non-Latino in the family whenever I am prepared to leave on time while everyone else is still getting ready, whenever I am belittled for my love of mayonnaise, and whenever I am forbidden to dance in public.

“Intersectionality” means that I have lots of complaints about various stuff that I am, and I’m just getting started.

For instance, I am seen as enjobbed, in that I have a job and support my family. This hateful label marginalizes me and subjugates me to the stereotyped role of “provider” and “useful member of society.” It cruelly differentiates me from preferred progressive social actors, like “bums” and “welfare cheats.” The progressive paradigm is, after all, based upon compelling non-Democrat bodies to toil to generate tax revenue for the government to give to freeloaders.

My veteranness also makes me a target for othering. My soul roils from the conscious and unconscious prejudice poured upon me every time someone asks me if I was drafted, or if the Army is the one with Marines. Why don’t you just burn a hammer and sickle in front of my quarters, you monsters?

And no, I don’t have PTSD. I’m just really annoyed by you.

I am also victimized for my unpaganhood, and I am constantly pressured to conform and accept weird weather religions and the theological musings of internet hipsters who think the idea of Christian grace is some sort of supernatural point system where you get into heaven for accomplishing a set number of good deeds. I reject these attempts to subjugate me to the dominant discourse, just as I reject the liberal Jesusplaining that seeks to steal my savior and turn him into some sort of socialist hippie, a Bernie Sanders in a robe who thinks the only sin is generating too big of a carbon footprint.

And then there is the systemic hate for my rigidly male monosexual identification and my pronounced pro-chick agenda. Too often those of you who are genderfluid deny the identity of those of us who are gendersolid.

Finally, it is time to reject society’s paradigm of unphallused privilege. This bias results in interlocking systems of domination that produce the conditions under which oppressed peoples like me are forced to live, and usually manifests in me getting called whenever someone needs help lifting something heavy.

Those of us who wield a penis demand that you cease your dehumanizing unmale gaze and validate the manly values that stand firm against your anti-testicular hegemony.

We male-identifying men proudly shout out these radical truths:

Boys don’t cry, and it is lame to shed a tear in public, except on Memorial Day or when a dog dies.

Feelings are stupid, except for patriotism and a love of dogs.

Guns are awesome because they shoot solid lead freedom. Every man should have several guns. And several dogs, because a man with a cat is a woman.

Also, no man should ever listen to Maroon 5. Nor should anyone else. Including dogs.

We will no longer be man-junk marginalized. From this moment forth, my people’s pronouns are “he,” “him” and “if you touch my stuff, I’ll slug you.”

Your hate speech against us, which is defined as anything you say that we don’t like, must be banned, starting on campuses. As fellow social justice warriors have observed, “Free speech, a right many freedom movements have fought for, has recently become a tool appropriated by hegemonic institutions. It has not just empowered students from marginalized backgrounds to voice their qualms and criticize aspects of the institution, but it has given those who seek to perpetuate systems of domination a platform to project their bigotry.”

Right on! I mean, how could normalizing limitations on free speech ever backfire? You social justice warriors surely shouldn’t worry about this kind of thinking being expressed by people who don’t like you and who have a lot of guns.

Our initial non-negotiable demand is for a safe space for all German/Scot-Employed-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health on every college campus, as well as a Department of German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health Studies to explore the issues regarding, and the terrible social stigma and prejudice faced by, us German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health. We further demand a curriculum that teaches using unique German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health pedagogic strategies, like “reading” and “studying.” It must also educate us about suppressed German/Scot-Judeo/Christian-Veteran-Straight Males-Of Relatively Good Health truths, like about how the Chinese stole the idea for the Great Wall from Deutschland’s autobahns, and how Steve McQueen is a million times cooler than Ryan Reynolds will ever be.

That is our intersectional reality; that is our cry for revolution. We refuse to allow the forces of social injustice to continue to deny our existence, and our suits, clean shaves, and combed hair shall be the transgressive body modifications that demonstrate our alienation from the dominant paradigm.

No longer will we allow our pallor to render us invisible!

No longer will we tolerate being left out of the acronym LGBTQ!

No longer will we be scrotum-shamed!

Posted June 15, 2017 by aurorawatcherak in Common sense, Uncategorized

Tagged with , ,

Free for the Launch   Leave a comment

Hullabaloo Front CoverHullabaloo on Main Street debuted today and it will be free for the next two days. Go out and grab a copy and then leave a review.

Come take a tour of America’s “bubble battles” in the wake of the 2016 Presidential election. Libertarian Connor wryly observes his neighbors on both sides of the political divide and offers a solution we can only hope the bubble dwellers will consider.

This novelette is a work of fiction and any resemblance to yourself or people you know is purely coincidental.

Free for First Two Day   Leave a comment

Hullabaloo Front CoverHullabaloo on Main Street debuted today and it will be free for the next two days. Go out and grab a copy and then leave a review.

Come take a tour of America’s “bubble battles” in the wake of the 2016 Presidential election. Libertarian Connor wryly observes his neighbors on both sides of the political divide and offers a solution we can only hope the bubble dwellers will consider.

This novelette is a work of fiction and any resemblance to yourself or people you know is purely coincidental.

What’s “Hullabaloo on Main Street” About?   Leave a comment

There’s no question that America is a divided nation with progressives and conservatives living in different bubbles. The 2016 Presidential election results caught the Democrats by surprise, but I think it also caught Trump voters by surprise. The mainstream media had done everything in its power to make them believe they’d be throwing away their votes, but they voted for him anyway. I’m not convinced that was a great choice, but I was and will never be a Clinton supporter.

Having voted for Gary Johnson in protest for the two main parties giving us not a dime’s worth of choice (crooks on my left, clowns on my right, here I am … still not voting for you), I discovered on Election Wednesday that I had no sense of ownership in this election. I just didn’t care.

Then I watched all the riots around the country by people more than a little upset over Trump’s election. I talked to my progressive friends and discovered they were devastated. I listened to my conservative friends and you would have thought we elected Jesus to the Oval Office. Even some Christian friends are insisting Trump is God-ordained.

Well, God used Jephthat to accomplish His will, so … yeah, I still don’t think so.

Finally, I read a Politico article – When a Red State Moves to You? – and Hullabaloo on Main Street was born. It’s short … just a novelette … and it attempts to be funny, to make some political observations under the cover of satire. I tried to have sympathy for both sides, but also to show what I think are the worst parts of both positions. None of it is meant to be mean. I am not mad at anyone.

I hope you will enjoy the book … which the e-book is FREE for the next two days. There’s also an affordably priced paperback.

Hullabaloo Front CoverFor a committed democrat, it sure does suck when you lose an election.

You know what I mean?

Nearly half the country refuses to listen to the other half. We think we know what the other side means, but we never venture outside our own bubbles to actually find out.

Libertarian Connor infiltrates both bubbles in a Midwestern town on Election Wednesday 2016 and brings readers along for a wry non-partisan tour of the “Bubble Battles.” He even offers a solution … not that any bubble dwellers will listen.

This novelette is a work of fiction based upon real-life events. Any resemblance to yourself or people you know is purely coincidental.

 

I should also say, this was kind of a hard book to write because it was set right after the election and so much has happened in only a handful of months … all of which Connor had to be unaware. But more than anything it was a fun challenge to write because it pokes fun at some of the basic premises that cause us to seek our respective bubbles and refuse to be dislodged from them under any circumstances. Connor infiltrates both of those bubbles because he’s a non-voting libertarian. He doesn’t have a dog in the fight … and like me since the election of Donald Trump, he feels like the country dodged one catastrophe only to embrace another … meaning neither side is right and neight is completely wrong. Give it a read. Let me know what you think. Most importantly, leave a review. This book is entered in the Kindle Storyteller contest, so reviews are very important for this one.

Thanks so much.

 

It Sucks When You Lose An Election   Leave a comment

Hullabaloo Front CoverFor a committed democrat, it sure does suck when you lose an election.

 

You know what I mean?

 

Nearly half the country refuses to listen to the other half. We think we know what the other side means, but we never venture outside our own bubbles to actually find out.

 

Libertarian Connor infiltrates both bubbles in a Midwestern town on Election Wednesday 2016 and brings readers along for a wry non-partisan tour of the “Bubble Battles.” He even offers a solution … not that any bubble dwellers will listen.

 

This novelette is a work of fiction based upon real-life events. Any resemblance to yourself or people you know is purely coincidental.

AVAILABLE on Pre-order through Amazon

Like A Little Wry with Your Politics?   Leave a comment

My latest book is a novelette, a work of fiction based on wry observations of reaction to the 2016 Presidential election.

Hullabaloo Front CoverFor a committed democrat, it sure does suck when you lose an election.

You know what I mean?

Nearly half the country refuses to listen to the other half. We think we know what the other side means, but we never venture outside our own bubbles to actually find out.

Libertarian Connor infiltrates both bubbles in a Midwestern town on Election Wednesday 2016 and brings readers along for a wry non-partisan tour of the “Bubble Battles.” He even offers a solution … not that any bubble dwellers will listen.

This novelette is a work of fiction based upon real-life events. Any resemblance to yourself or people you know is purely coincidental.

OUT MAY 16

“Hullabaloo on Mainstreet” Out May 16   Leave a comment

My latest book is a novelette, a work of fiction based on wry observations of reaction to the 2016 Presidential election.

 

For a committed democrat, it sure does suck when you lose an election.

You know what I mean?

Nearly half the country refuses to listen to the other half. We think we know what the other side means, but we never venture outside our own bubbles to actually find out.

Libertarian Connor infiltrates both bubbles in a Midwestern town on Election Wednesday 2016 and brings readers along for a wry non-partisan tour of the “Bubble Battles.” He even offers a solution … not that any bubble dwellers will listen.

This novelette is a work of fiction based upon real-life events. Any resemblance to yourself or people you know is purely coincidental.Hullabaloo Front Cover

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